From this day forward

Howard County - With Valentine’s Day coming up, there will likely be a few ladies saying, “I do,” when given a ring. 

That’s the first step to happily ever after. Next comes the wedding planning, with the culmination of the ceremony.

Local ministers were asked some questions about that ritual of love and marriage and revealed some things you may or may not know.

With over 400 weddings performed by the panel, Pastor Leo Combs-Lay of First Lutheran in Cresco has officiated at the most, at 238 over his 34 years as a pastor.

The biggest blunder he noted had to do with alcohol. Most pastors tell the couple to not drink before the wedding. Combs-Lay was no different. “The bride’s brother, who was a groomsman, did not heed my warning. He threw up on the floor during the ceremony. It smelled horrible. It stopped the wedding for 20 minutes while the family cleaned the mess up. The thing was, no one who came to the wedding left.”

Other boo-boos are not so scandalous. Pastor Peter Faugstad of Saude and Jerico Lutheran congregations stated, “So far the weddings I have been a part of have gone smoothly, except for a nervous bridegroom struggling to ‘repeat after me’ during the vows.” He has performed five weddings in his eight-and-a-half years as pastor.

That’s not as bad as actually forgetting your beloved’s name, though, which is what happened at a wedding officiated by Rev. Dr. Elaine Siemsen of Immanuel Lutheran in Cresco. “The couple forgot each other’s name during the vows when they had decided to memorize them.” She joked, “Memorizing is generally a bad idea!” She should know, she has been a pastor for 32 years and officiated at 100-110 weddings.

Although none of the pastors had a person “protest” the marriage, Siemsen recalls one wedding where the father of the groom refused to attend, even though he had said he would. “So we waited.”

Two of her weddings were sabotaged by bees, with Siemsen and others being stung at a backyard wedding.

She did acknowledge other wedding party members were late-shows, but only because they went to the wrong church!

Pastor Donna Ihns of Riceville and McIntire Methodist Churches, who has been a lay minister since 1982 and a pastor since 2012, and Combs-Lay have both had couples who forgot the marriage license at home.

Pastor Sir even had a couple who forgot to apply for a wedding license!

Pastor Paula Hemann of Lime Springs and Chester United Methodist Churches was planning to perform a 7 p.m. wedding. The bride ended up going to the hospital that day. 

“I recall getting a text about 1 p.m. from the groom telling me that she was in the hospital. I presumed the wedding would be rescheduled, but a couple hours later, he contacted me to say the wedding was a ‘go.’” 

 

Weather

Besides the behavior of the wedding party, there are other things that cannot be controlled, such as weather.

The most uncomfortable weather for Pastor Faugstad was a wedding in someone’s yard. “It was on a hot and humid July day. The wedding party ‘enjoyed’ the sun on their backs, while I got to face it!”

Pastor Tim Sir of First Congregational Church of Cresco and Saratoga ended up with heat stroke after officiating at his brother, Joe’s wedding. He recalled, “It was outside on the family farm on a beastly hot summer day, in the sun. Every inch of my gray suit was drenched in sweat. I was sick for several days afterward.”

From hot to cold . . . 

Rev. Siemsen said her own wedding in 1974 had the worst weather. “Twenty-one inches of snow fell the night before, and about one-third of the guests could not get there,” she said.

Pastor Hemann said the worst weather coincided with the shortest wedding ceremony she conducted.  “My shortest wedding ceremony was 20 minutes, which was held March 5, 2013. It was a frigid day.  It was held outside at a city park picnic shelter. There were a total of six persons there. We needed to hike through three feet of snow to get to the shelter. I will never forget this as I married our youngest son and his beautiful wife!”

Combs-Lay’s most memorable weather-related wedding was neither hot nor cold . . . . it was just wet!

“The wedding was held outside at a state park, no shelters. It started raining at the beginning of the ceremony. The couple and family said, ‘We’re doing this.” We shortened the ceremony, but we were all well-soaked!”

 

Length

Sometimes the weather makes a big difference on how long a ceremony is going to take place. Most of the services performed by the six pastors last between 15-60 minutes. 

Siemsen’s longest wedding was about 45 minutes. “There was a blended family so there were extra parts, like additional prayers and Holy Communion was celebrated.” Her shortest was 15 minutes because the bride and groom wanted only the absolute minimum. 

Pastor Sir noted some of the longer services usually have to do with musical selection and special features, such as unity symbol, readings, etc.

Combs-Lay had one wedding with a five-piece ensemble that played four pieces of music during the ceremony. His smallest was 15 minutes as both the bride and groom had large and long weddings before.

 

Family weddings

The most special weddings that stand out in the pastors’ minds are the ones they officiated for family members.

Rev. Ihns, who has performed six weddings, was honored to do her granddaughter’s wedding. “Because I was not licensed to marry someone in that state, Nichelle [Wesseling] and Jacob [Rice] were married at the courthouse by a judge the day before, and then the lovely traditional service with blessings and bridal party and flowers and all the trimmings was performed by Grandma at a beautiful historic hotel.”

Siemsen has three family weddings under her vestment, a daughter, a niece and a nephew.

Besides his brother, Joe, Pastor Sir was blessed to marry all four of his children, several nieces and nephews and played a part in several other siblings’ weddings.

Pastor Combs-Lay officiated at his brother’s wedding.

 

Size of wedding

Some like them big and some like them small . . . weddings, that is. 

The smallest wedding performed by Pastor Sir took place at the couple’s home with two witnesses. The largest was his son, Joseph’s, which was in Prinzburg, Minn., Dutch country, with huge families on both sides. Another wedding, held in Winona, Minn. had six attendents on each side.

Combs-Lay officiated at a governor’s daughter’s wedding, where 500 people were invited. “Family and politics,” he joked. The most attendants he has seen is 14. His smallest wedding was just four individuals—the two witnesses, along with the 97-year-old groom and 91-year-old bride. “They wanted a small wedding.”

Pastor Siemsen also had a small wedding of four, but her largest wedding had 11 attendants on each side, making it 24 in the wedding party. “Most weddings are probably too large because the bride, usually, or the groom think they have to include all their siblings and ‘best’ friends.”

 

Kids do the darndest things

Although she didn’t perform the ceremonies, Pastor Ihns recalls a few weddings from years ago. “A very young candlelighter set one of the bows on the pews afire. At one of the weddings, one of the brides wanted a relative, who was severely handicapped, as her maid of honor. The little gal was brought down the aisle in a wheelchair, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the sanctuary.”

 Pastor Hemann recalls an incident at a wedding she attended as well. “The nephew, maybe age seven, asked to say something before the meal at the reception. Nobody knew what to expect do. We were surprised when he made everyone stand, put their hands over their hearts and say the Pledge of Allegiance!”

 

Traditions

There are some traditions that remain the same, year after year, such as exchanging wedding rings, having the father of the bride walk her down the aisle, vows and lighting a unity candle.

But other things have changed such as the bride and bridesmaids wearing sequinned flip flops.

Pastor Sir said the creativity of the unity symbols has changed with candles, sands and three cords.

Music has also changed, with less traditional songs being sung. Pastor Siemsen said that can be a problem when songs are copyrighted.

Pastor Faugstad said destination weddings is a growing trend.

Pastor Hemann agreed as she said her most unique wedding location was in Cedar Rapids at an exquisite art gallery. The atmosphere was filled with many paintings and beautiful pieces of crystal artwork averaging anywhere from $300-$2,500 per piece.  These were all beautifully displayed on tables throughout the studio.  

“As I wove my way around the tables with this magnificent artwork, making my way to the alter, all I could think of was, ‘Should I trip or slip, this wedding could cost me more than I bargained for!’” 

 

Personal traditions

Pastors sometimes require couples to take a class or meet with him or her several times before the wedding.

Pastor Siemsen explained, “I work diligently with the couple to make sure that the language and images of the service fit their personality and what they would like to say to each other, in front of God.” 

As a side-note, she added, “People do not seem to realize that pastors have the right to refuse to do a wedding. We are not obliged if we feel that the couple will not honor God and the Christian faith or if we see that they are a part of a very unhealthy relationship. I have refused twice and can think of at least one other time that I should have said no.”

Pastor Sir tries to make each ceremony special. “I ask the couple to list 10 things they love or appreciate about their partner. Then I read or refer to these during the ceremony, which has been very insightful and fun.”

Pastor Combs Lay “mentally asks God to bless the couple in their life together, and that He will help their love for one another continue as it is this day.”

No matter whether a wedding is in summer or winter, whether it is large or small, it is still the beginning of a bride and groom’s lives together. They are all based on the same thing . . . love.