Help is available

Northeast Iowa - She looks away when someone asks if she is ok. He looks at the ground when someone asks where he got the black eye. She doesn’t have money because her partner controls all the finances. He has to ask permission to see family or friends. He embarrasses you with put downs or tells you that you are a bad parent. 

Shame, fear, self-loathing, helplessness and desperation are just some of the feelings that a domestic violence and abuse ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­victim may feel. As well as . . . love. Complicated, right? October is National Domestic Violence Month. Volunteers, social workers as well as local and state agencies are available to help those who are in a domestic violence situation.

 

A Hotline Volunteer Shares

Linda Dornink of Lime Springs may or may not be a familiar face to you but she is a familiar voice on the Helping Services, Domestic Abuse Resource Line. The line runs 24/7 and volunteers offer assistance to man the line when it works for them.

“I volunteer for Helping Services to take calls that come into the Domestic Abuse Resource Line,” said Dornink. “I am scheduled for a period of hours that I am available. For me, it usually works during day hours.”

Although volunteers can’t comment on specific calls Dornink shares that she is there to stay on the line for a woman to make sure she is safe and/or gets to a safe place. If the call is not going in that direction, it may be as simple as just talking and sharing options that may be available to the caller.

“I may be there just to talk to her,” added Dornink. “I can walk her through her options and reassure her and be a support for her. That can be a lot to a call and may give her the security in knowing that she has someone on her side and that she is not alone in what she is going through or dealing with. 

“It also means a lot to me. It’s very rewarding to know that I can help others in some way.”

I also take the caller’s information so I can pass it on to the specific advocate for the area she’s calling from. Trish Johnson is the Howard County Advocate for Helping Services in our area.”

Who’s calling?  “Calls come in from anyone who needs a listening ear and/or immediate help for a dangerous situation,” said Dornink. “I would say mostly women, but anyone needing help can call the crisis line. People also call for information and get referrals for resources here in our area that Helping Services covers, such as housing, emergency supplies or assistance. A lot of people have no idea that abuse and domestic violence is very prevalent in our area. Unfortunately, more so that anyone would ever guess.”

 

A Social Worker Shares

“I have been working as a social worker in a five-county area for 15 years,” said an unidentified social worker. “I cannot tell you the number of people who I work with that are currently being abused or have been in the past. You see a woman who is hesitant to make eye contact with you? Just can’t seem to get her life together? Can never seem to hold a job down, and if she has one suddenly may have to leave after getting a phone call. That may be a woman or man who is involved in a domestic situation. I am not saying all of these are indicators of domestic violence, but put them all together and that person may just be going through a lot more than you will ever understand.”

Why do they stay? “I have found that there are so many reasons people in a domestic violence situation stay but one of the most common is they have nowhere else to go,” added the social worker. 

“They may have exhausted available resources in their area in the past, have been so beaten down (physically, emotionally or both) they believe no one else will help, are afraid of the repercussions if found out or they have been kept away from any meaningful contact from family and friends. 

“Immigrants may be afraid of deportation. Others are afraid of a custody battle for their children. Then there is the pressures of culture and religion. But don’t be fooled. 

“There are many who don’t fit the perceived idea of a someone in a domestic violence situation. I personally know of a woman who seemingly has it all. She was married to a wealthy man, had a beautiful house, beautiful children and the life of a socialite. Behind closed doors she was controlled and abused, locked in closets and choked. We just don’t know who these people are by outward appearance.”

Who to call

If you or someone you know is in an immediate or life-threatening emergency it is recommended to call 911. The Domestic Abuse Resource Line is 1-800-383-2988 or locally, 563-382-2989. It is free. It is confidential and available every hour of every day.

The closest shelter, Cedar Valley Friends of the Family, is in Waverly. Cedar Valley Friends of the Family is a domestic violence service providing help for those individuals dealing with domestic abuse. They can be reached by calling 1-800-410-7233.

And for the survivors, Iowa also offers a relatively new program called “Safe at Home.” Safe at Home is an address confidentiality program that provides participants with a substitute address.

The program is for survivors of trafficking, domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking or violent crimes. The program helps survivors with a substitute address, a mail forwarding service and confidential voter registration and absentee voting. The participants’ first-class mail, legal, certified mail and prescriptions and other packages go to a substitute address and are then forwarded to their confidential addresses, allowing for a participant address from appearing on public records. 

Applications can be found at https://safeathome.iowa.gov// or by contacting the Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence of the Iowa Coalition Against Sexual Assault.